Escaping Inner Labrynths

I am a big fan of puzzles. I tinker with things until I understand how they work.

Interesting infographic

I took with me this same curiosity and determination to understand the psychological problems that I have experienced over the years.

Problems like social anxiety and depression. I came to find out later that these were due to the fact that I had been over socialized early in my teenage years, around age 12 or 13.

This combined with the instantaneous nature of today’s environment led to me constantly scanning my environment for threats.

Once the threats disappeared, I began to rebuild. They didn’t disappear all at once, though. So I had to rebuild in silence. Pretending I was okay when I in fact was not. This is how millions of people live their lives every day. That needs to change.

We’re moving in the right direction with spreading kindness. It costs nothing and creates reciprocity – if not for you, for somebody in on one way or another.

Professional Overthinker

Three months ago I overcame my nearly eight year battle with social anxiety and depression.

Having come out of the depths that I was in, I am now determined to do whatever it takes to help others who are suffering from those issues today. I am not a licensed medical professional but I have a relatively decent understanding of psychology and am continually building on my knowledge of the subject through various readings and classes.

In the coming months I plan to identify what causes people to fall into the river of depressive thinking and reroute the stream so that the rapids work in the person’s favor rather than the other way around.

That’s what I’m doing every day – I could never turn off my overactive imagination. All my life I had seen my abundance of thoughts as a nuisance. This trait had always gotten me in trouble, or so I used to believe. The truth is that I never learned how to tame my own thoughts.

Until recently.

Once I figured out how my learning style actually worked I realized that it wasn’t solely I who was to blame, but a failed education system. I was privileged to go to a great private high school and have had the best educational opportunities I could have asked for.

My experience wasn’t perfect, but it was a whole lot better than what a lot of people in this world get. I am forever grateful for my parents for providing me with those opportunities.

I don’t know if I would have survived public school. Since my personality is very adaptable (though it used to be WAY more) I am convinced that I would have ended up with the wrong crowd one way or another. Hell, even in the preppy school I went to I hung out with the most ‘trouble maker’ friend circle that was available, not by choice but because that’s who I identified with because that is who I was always told that I was by the social mirrors around me.

But one day I stopped listening to what others wanted me to be, and I decided to forge my own destiny.

I just started doing me.

I filled up a journal cover to cover with notes and ideas about my goals for the future in the span of a weekend. I implemented self-education into my life again, began reading more often, and am making huge strides toward my goals.

I began acknowledging strangers and performing acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.

The leaves on the trees around my neighborhood started to look a little brighter and more colorful. I started smiling wider. Loving deeper.

It all started with a leap of faith.